Where did that come from?
I just want you to know, I really like your partner.
- I know, he's such a good guy. - This is just, like, whatever.
I don't think we even have to judge it. It's too natural.
- Okay. - It's just...
You guys wanna kiss? Yeah.
I hear somebody stirring. There he is.
I feel for you.
Jesus! Please, turn that off!
Easy, killer. Just a blender.
- What time is it? - Time for Hutch's hangover cure.
- What's in it? - Pepto-Bismol, Aunt Jemima mix...
...Tang and a little flat Tab.
Most important thing.
And a raw egg.
Saves lives. Trust me.
And?
- It's good. - What did I tell you?
Sorry about last night.
- Thanks for taking care of the girls. - Hey, no problem. Happy to do it.
What are partners for? Speaking of which...
...I checked this stuff out and even though it tastes like sugar, that is cocaine.
- You sure? - I'm sure...
...Stacey's sure, Holly's sure...
How do you like your eggs?
Didn't Huggy mention something about a coke deal going down?
"One for the Guinness Book," was how he put it.
Seems like a big coincidence.
Why don't I drive? You don't look good.
No. If I'm alive, I drive.
Rhyming already, you must be...
- You okay? - I'm fine.
He blew out my fricking window!
All right! Enough with the car! We get it!
Stop shooting my car!
Okay, cover me. Say when.
Go!
Zebra to base, I want you to run a plate.
Larry, one, apple, nine, eight, four.
- Damn it! - You okay?
Look at this! This is horrible!
What kind of world do we live in where somebody does this?
Well, I think he was aiming at us.
Think this is funny? Seriously, is this funny?
Zebra 3, we have an ID on that plate. Lee M. Chau, 1325 Western.
- "I repeat..." - Ready to dish out a little payback?
Freeze! Bay City P. D!
- The hell was that? - I think it's his kid.
All right, just sit tight, little boy. Well, well, well, this looks familiar.
Possession of cocaine and attempted murder, huh?
- Jesus! - What was that?
That ain't a kid! It's a tiny little man! And he's got knives! Goddamn!
- My arm! - Oh, shit!
Make him stop! Make him stop! Tell him to stop! Stop it!
Starsky! Starsky, we need to go now! Come on!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
All right, now...
Okay, time out. Let's just take a little break. I'm gonna get out of here... Jeez!
Oh, mama! What is your problem?
I said, time out!
Hutch! A little help.
He pinned you good, partner. On three. One, two...
Time to answer some questions, old man.
Who's the little dwarf you got throwing knives at me and my partner?
That was no dwarf. That was my son.
Liar!
Come on, you're going downtown.
Let's go, Starsky. On your feet!
Now, you wanna tell me who hired you?
We have a saying in Koreatown. It goes, "Kiss my yellow ass, copper!"
All right. You wanna play games? I got a game for you, Chau.
Let's play a little Russian roulette.
We got a little saying here in Bay City:
"You cross the line...
...your nuts are mine."
There's really a bullet in the gun.
- Yes, I know. That is the point... - No, you don't understand.
- Let's play! - The bullet went inside!
Come on, you wanna play, let's play! Let's play!
- Your turn! - No!
I thought you wanted to play. Come on, Chau. You wanna play? Let's play a game!
- What are you doing? Jesus. - Our little friend here is about to talk.
What in the holy?
- All right, enough with the talking. Let's go. - What? No! Starsky, no!
- You're crazy! - Are you out of your mind?
Calm down.
Calm down? He tried to kill me. He shoot everything. I have heart attack already.
It's over. It's over. Just calm down.
- What? - No, nothing. Nothing. This guy is funny.
- It's not about you. - That's great. He can be your new partner.
Chau and Hutch. Sounds cool.
Forget it. All right, Chau, what else can you tell me about the guys that hired you?
Not much. A couple of whiteys. Nice suit. Perry Ellis.
They pay, I do job.
- What did they look like? - I don't know.
They were white. All you guys look alike to me.
That's funny, all you guys look alike to us. Orientals.
So where'd you meet him?
We met... How do you say? By water.
- At the beach? - No, no, no. On water.
- Right, a boat. You met on a boat. - No, no, no. Not a boat.
It's a yacht.
Rock into womanhood, Elizabeth! We know that you will.
- All right. - What's that mean?
We have a special delivery for the little lady. It's right over here.
Let's see what's inside.
- These pantomimes suck. - Don't look at me. I didn't hire them.
- Well, who did? - I don't know.
These pantomimes aren't very good.
This must be Reese's big surprise.
Look at me, guys, I'm a mime too.
- Everyone's miming something. - Embarrassing.
- Reese just left. - I know.
- Stay here, I'll follow him. - I'll follow him.
No, you stay. Keep them occupied. You're doing great. They love you.
I might do the glass wall one more time.
Boo!
Terrific. Tell him you like him, ask him to sit by you at the cafeteria. How do I know?
What am I, your counselor? Yeah, I'd like to get to the information that I need, okay?
It's done.
My buddy delivered the package. It's in your garage. It's locked up nice and tight...
- "...in case anybody gets nosy." - "No one saw him?"
Not a soul.
Now, about my fee...
You'll be paid as soon as I've checked it out. If you'll excuse me...
- Reese, wait. - What?
- Mazel tov, man. - "Thanks."
They grow up so fast.
- "Go play dragon. I gotta go." - "All right. Big kisses."
Thank you, everybody, for coming out to celebrate my little girl's bat mitzvah.
I should say "young woman." It'll take me a while to get used to that.
- This guy's good. Sweet. - It's in his garage.
- What? - The cocaine is in his garage.
- Are you sure? - We take him down now.
- Let's go. - All right, cut the music.
Cut the music.
I think I speak for everyone when I say we're a little mimed out.
Don't worry. Show's over.
You're under arrest for possession with intent to sell.
- This man's a drug dealer. - Okay, I think what we have...
- Maybe you didn't hear us. - Take it easy, everybody.
You're making the biggest mistake of your life, hear me?
You're the one making the mistake, pusher.
Kevin, call my attorney, please. Ridiculous.
- Open it. - My hands are tied.
Fine. Allow me.
Let this be a lesson to everyone, especially you kids.
Don't be fooled by the first-class suit and the big house.
Reese Feldman's nothing more than a two-bit drug dealer.
You want some proof?
Here's some proof.
This is a bad man.
And this is what bad men do.
A pony!
Happy bat mitzvah, baby. I love you.
Take the kids in, come on. Let's go, kids.
It's all right, baby, it's okay. Come here. Come here. We'll get you a new pony.
Hey there, little fella. You okay?
Mr. Feldman, on behalf of the entire Bay City Police Department...
...I sincerely apologize. - That's okay, captain.
My attorney here would love to take them down, but I know...
...that in the bottom of their hearts...
...these two detectives were just trying to protect me and my family.
I gotcha. Thank you.
I respect your attitude, but you can be sure...
...it will never happen again, because as of now...
...both of you are suspended indefinitely.
Look, cap, this was my fault. Don't drag Hutch into this. I shot the pony.
You care what happens to Hutch?
You filed for transfer two weeks ago, citing his behavior as a reason.
- Captain... - Oh yeah, yeah. Check this out.
Sounds like you're quite the crime fighter, Hutch.
- You filed for a transfer? - Guns and badges, right here, on my desk.
Your mother would be very disappointed in you.
Man, I've really had it with that Doby. I mean, it's enough already.
"Cavorting with nefarious characters. Conduct unbecoming of an officer."
I wrote that two weeks ago. Things are really cool with us now.
- Hey, did you go through my locker? - No.
- You went through my locker. - I might have looked inside...
If you got a problem with someone, tell it to their face. You come to them as a man.
You don't go behind their back and write a thesis and try to get transferred.
Backstabber!
Yeah, don't anybody work with David Starsky.
He'll stab you in the back.
You've got to let this go. We got lucky. These guys screwed up.
- They can't even touch us now. It is over. - I don't care.
No one dresses as a mime and embarrasses me at my daughter's bat mitzvah.
In my own house, no less.
Have some perspective. We're almost finished.
We're a few days from closing a $35-million deal. Let it slide.
Yeah, I'll let it slide. When they're dead.
Why did I get so lucky?
I don't know, I just love when you talk so tough.
Of course you do. That's why you're my girlfriend on the side.
Hey, Hutch.
"Ruin me!"
Excuse me, let me have a minute with my friend.
He didn't care if he got ruined. That was the whole point of the episode. Did you?
Hutch, you gonna have to lay up off of this juice. You had too much to drink.
Come on. I feel like a million bucks. Just laughing, having a good time.
It ain't even funny no more.
There used to be a time here when you peed against the wall, you did it outside.
Lighten up, it's Friday night. Okay? It's a bar.
Hutch, it's Wednesday afternoon, man. Snap out of it.
- What time is it? - It's 5:00, man.
Shit. I'm supposed to pick up Willis at 3. Huggy, I'm sorry, we...
Hutch! Hey, Hutch! You home?
You were supposed to pick me up at 3:00 today. What happened?
Deadbeat.
If you could have yourself one wish, what would it be for?
"Mama put the salt back on a straight line with the pepper...
...and got that look like when she be telling me that old wise stuff.
She told Nobie he should wish for..."
Good friends. "Free to Be You and Me". That's what Mama tells Nobie to wish for.
- Well, well, well. - How you doing, Willis?
- I'm pretty good. - Yeah? Got you something.
Damn. A wrist rocket.
- Watch out with that thing. Very powerful. - Cool. Thanks, Starsky.
Pretty sure those are illegal. Even though you're my friend...
...might have to report you to Doby.
All right. Okay, look, Hutch, can we?
Is it all right if I talk to you outside?
No, I better stay here with the kid.
All right. Hey, feel better, all right?
You got it.
- Can you believe that guy? What a... - Hutch, the man was trying to apologize.
Dig this, man. Someone once said...
..."To err is human, to forgive, divine."
What idiot said that?
I believe that was God, the greatest mack of all.
David. David.
Yeah.
Okay, so, what did you wanna say?
Nothing. Apparently you're too busy and I'm not worth it. It's fine.
- Really, it's good. - Come on, let's hear it.
There's nothing that... I just was gonna say that I think you're a good cop.
- Okay, well, thank you. - And I am...
...sorry about what I wrote in the report.
Yeah, because I'm telling you, I felt like I'd just gotten my world rocked...
- Are you crying? - What's that?
- Are you crying? - No, I'm not crying. You're crying.
It's okay to cry. People cry.
That's great, but I'm not crying. I'm not a crier. I don't cry. I work out. I have hobbies.
- Come here. - What?
- Come here. I forgive you, all right? - Okay.
I forgive you.
Okay, that's probably enough. That's enough.
- All right? - Okay.
- Are we good? - Yeah, we're good.
Because we got some people that want us dead.
They took a shot at you. They tried to blow up my house, almost killed little Willis.
We gotta do... Now what?
Nothing. I'm just excited. Let's get these scumbags!
- Get them! That's what I wanna see. - Let's get them!
- Get some tissues. Let's go. - What are you doing?
- Damn. I'll tell you that. - Look, I'm telling you, it's right here.
Reese is meeting with the biggest drug dealers in back alleys all over the place.
But talking isn't illegal.
Yeah, the guy's not stupid. He knows how to stay clean.
Dirty ones always do.
We gotta find a way to get close to him, get inside and hear what's going on.
It's gonna be tough. The guy knows what we look like.
He doesn't know what Huggy Bear looks like.
Man, this is a bunch of crap. I am an urban informant. I am not a snitch.
- Come on, Huggy, what's the difference? - A snitch wears a wire.
A snitch is the scum of the information industry.
A snitch has no soul. Damn, man, that shit hurt.
- I'm sorry. - You got to be more careful.
We wouldn't ask you to do this unless it was really important.
- I'm gonna owe you one. - More than one, man.
Let's slow down with the scorekeeping. I might remember...
...stuff I've overlooked over the years, then mention it to my partner here.
How'd that be?
- All right, man, get this over with. Hurry up. - All right. All right. Good. We're done.
- All right, let's get that outfit. - Outfit?
Oh, no, man. You know Huggy Bear wouldn't wear that, man.
Come with something better. Take that shit back to Florida.
That ain't me, baby.
Mr. Casual. So nice of you to join us.
Sorry about that, sir.
What would you say this is?
Golf?
Real funny, Amos. Give me the 9-iron.
- Where the hell's my 9-iron? - I was gonna bring...
Let me explain something to you.
You are in charge of this area right here.
Clubs come out. They gotta go back in.
I realize this is a complex procedure, but it's up to you to manage the whole business.
Do you got that, Nipsey?
- "Yes." - "I should make you run..."
... back to the driving range and get it. Just give me the wedge.
3-wood? My man gave me a 3-wood.
Do you even know what a pitching wedge is?
- "Are you even a real caddy?" - Come on.
Look, man, this grass is Alabama Creeping Bent...
... as opposed to Georgia Creeping Bent.
It's lighter.
- Lighter meaning faster? - Exactly.
Hold this.
Look at that. Good shot.
- You know a lot about golf. - I know even more about grass.
I don't question that.
- "That was a great shot. Don't even start." - "Fine. Back to business."
The stuff is all ready to be moved. All two tons of it.
We're gold. We need to be at the banquet by 2 p.m. Anything else?
Yeah, just stay calm and...
What, are we dating? Why are you standing so close to me?
- Back off. - It's cool, baby.
What is your deal?
The Nearly There banquet. Remember? It's tomorrow.
- How's he gonna move coke at a banquet? - I don't know, but we gotta be there.
No, can't. He'll kill us if he sees us.
You wanna use my wig guy.
Hello, sir. May I check your briefcase?
Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot.
Thank you very much.
Now, what you wanna do is take this ticket stub. It's for the raffle.
And see that car up on stage?
There's seven of them, all up for grabs, with plenty of trunk space.
Trunk space. I get it. Very good. Very good. Thank you very much.
- That's what I'm talking about. Right here. - There we go.
- What do you think? - I love it. Great stuff.
Yeah, you look just like a rich cowboy, came riding in off the farm.
- Do me a favor. Tip your hat forward. - No, I like it where it is.
- No, seriously, come on, do it. Do it. - Will you stop with that?
That voice makes you sound crazy.
It makes me sound like Maury Finkel...
...founder of Finkel Fixtures, a lighting fixture chain.
Oh, it's a little voice and a character. You got a whole back-story. That's good.
Little touches. You wanna make the character real.
- What's your character? - I don't really...
I don't have a character. I don't do voices.
We're going upstairs. People will recognize us if we don't have a character.
- Think of something. - Okay.
Buck up, let's do it.
How are you? How's it going?
All right. How you doing? All right.
Look at these two hot chickens. Finkel wants some dinkle. Give it to me.
Come on. Do it. Lay it on, right here. Do it. Do it.
He means a kiss. We're doing little voices. Undercover.
Come on, sweetie. Do it.
- That's a sweet little pucker. I love it. - Can I get you two a drink?
You sure can, sweetheart. Johnnie Red, neat.
- Okay. - Do it. Do it.
All right. And you?
- Do it. Bacardi and cola. Do it, do it. - Okay. I'll be right back.
- What are you doing? - What?
- What was that? You just stole my voice. - No, I didn't.
You gotta come up with your own voice. That's my thing.
- I don't have a cool voice like you. - Come up with a character.
You're a Texas oil tycoon guy. You have, like, a moustache...
Don't shame me.
Let's sit down. Come on.
So we can get down to business and then get back to the business of getting down.
Now, that's what I'm talking about. Let's get down!
Captain Doby, you're not right.
But today is right. Can I see a show of hands?
I'm talking to everyone in this room.
How many of us have made a mistake?
- Guilty. - Yeah.
You know, I believe it was our buddy Bill Shakespeare who said...
..."To err is human, but to forgive, well, that's right on."
That's exactly why we're here today.
Because everyone out there deserves a second chance. Everyone.
Thank you. I didn't say it. Bill Shakespeare did.
Some of these guys were in our surveillance.
- I know. - Check out the guy behind us.
Already did.
You think he's got the stuff here?
- Where? - I'd like to thank Bay City Volkswagen...
...for donating seven brand-new cars to our annual fundraising raffle.
Thank you, Bay City Volkswagen.
Okay, everybody. Go ahead, pull out your ticket stubs.
Hope you held onto it. Hate to have your number called and have it left behind.
Because this train's leaving the station.
Tonight's first winner. 63.
- Hot damn, that baby's mine! - Congratulations.
That's one of his guys.
- Thank you very much. - Just wait here.
We've got a winner, a new car owner. Let him hear it.
He's gonna ride home in class.
The car. Cocaine is in the car. He's doing it in front of everybody.
- He's not that stupid. - No, but he's that arrogant. Trust me.
Number 117.
- Go. - Right on! Yeah.
Yes!
- Thank you very much. - Sit. Now. Do it. Do it.
Old Shakes McGinty did it! Yes! Unbelievable!
I'm a-richer, and I'm gonna kiss you.
Get your hands off. I think... I don't...
My friend won. Give him the car. Do it.
- Do what? - The kid's from Texas.
I don't know if he has a license. He rides a horse.
Do you have a ticket? I need it to give you the car.
- You gotta trust the kid. - I can't, cowboy.
I need to see the ticket.
Pop the trunk. Let's get that new car smell.
- Who wants a whiff of that new car smell? - Let's smell it!
That's what I'm talking about. Come on. Pop the trunk. Seriously, do it. Do it.
- Do it. - Listen, jackass.
Either give me a ticket or get the hell off the stage. You dig that?
- Guys. - Pop the trunk, candy man.
You heard him.
Pop it.
What the hell are you two doing?
Pop it!
You screwed it up once already, Starsky.
Like you said, Feldman, everyone deserves a second chance.
What have we here?
Does this look familiar? Some cocaine.
Captain Doby, I suggest you take this to the lab, get it analyzed...
- Hutch! - All right, freeze! Everybody, freeze!
- Put your hands where I can see them! - Relax, pal. Relax!
- Let's do it! - Put that gun down or I'll kill your friend.
- Reese, what are we doing? - Do it now! Put it down!
I got a clean shot. I need permission.
No! No, Starsky.
I can do it. Just move your head to the left.
No can do. You don't have my permission, partner. I can't give it to you.
- Your nuts are mine, Feldman. - No, they're not! Your nuts are yours.
Starsky, listen to me. I don't wanna die. And I'm not giving you my permission.
Please, put it down.
Put it down. Down.
Okay. All right. You're right. It's too close.
Oh, thank God.
Stay down!
Doby?
- Come on, let's move it! Let's go! - What?
Walk away. Walk away. Let's go.
- Cap, are you okay? - Yeah, I just got my wing clipped.
- Who the hell shot me? - I'm sorry. I was trying to get...
Starsky! It was Reese Feldman. Reese Feldman hit you, the son of a bitch.
Well, go get him!
- Is somebody coming? - No, we're on vacation.
- What's going on? - Gotta go.
Oh, my God!
- Baby, look out! - Look, I wanna hit him!
- You okay? - Yeah!
- Watch out for the bunker! - I don't know what a bunker is!
It's a sand trap.
- Go faster! - I'm going fast. I got it floored.
- Dogleg right up here on the par three. - What?
- Watch the bunker! - What bunker?
Jesus!
Come on. Pay attention.
Hey! Get out of here!
- Move that ice cream truck now! - No, you move.
- Bay City P.D. Move it! - Let's go.
Grab those and meet me in the marina. Let's go. Move!
If you guys are cops, let's see some badge.
- We don't have any badges. - Show him your gun.
Come on! Come on, move!
- Come on, hurry up, let's go! - They're coming!
Come on, these two with the running and the chasing. Stop! Go home.
Goodbye, heroes!
- To the shipping yard! - Got a boat?
- No, but I got an idea.
Hey, watch out!
- Okay, now what? - Okay, we're gonna take this car...
...and land it on that boat.
- You wanna crash the car into his boat? - No, I wanna land it on that boat.
Now, go.
- Go! - I can't do it.
This is unbelievable. Here you get me out here to risk my life...
...and now you tell me you can't do this? I'm a quitter, but...
- You're crying again. - I'm not crying. This is different.
It's my mother. She always used to say that this was too much car for me to handle.
- She said that? - Couldn't handle the V8.
- I don't know, maybe she was right. - Hey, look at me. Look at me.
I am not your mother. I'm your partner.
Now, go!
Go!
- Things could go pretty wrong, so I... - Keep your eyes on the road.
Listen to me, Ken. If we don't make it, this... You know, us...
- It's been good. - It's been great.
Now, will you stop talking and hit that boat.
It's not a boat, it's a yacht.
Son of a bitch!
- Come on, are you kidding me? - Oh, my God. We almost just got killed.
Thanks for pointing out something I couldn't notice. You're a benefit to have.
We should save them.
- Son of a bitch! - Nice plan!
You gave it too much gas and you overshot it.
- Car has a lot of horsepower. I'll go get it. - What are you doing? Stop it.
Starsky!
- It hasn't hit the bottom yet. - Stop, stop, damn it! Listen to me.
It's gone, okay? It's over.
- But it's my car. - I know it is, partner. I know it is.
Oh, my God, honey. That was so incredible.
I feel like my adrenaline is just...
You and me, babe. We are such a good team, don't you think?
I mean, this is just the beginning. We could go so far, honey. I feel so exhilarated.
- Come on! - What was that?
Son of a bitch.
What is it, Reese?
Who are you?
I found your 9-iron, bitch.
That's for putting hands on Huggy Bear. Nobody touches the Bear, you dig?
Yeah. Now, these will work.
What have we here?
Now, that's what I'm talking about.
- We don't really do private shows. - But I'm a good friend of Huggy Bear.
- It's kind of against cheerleading policy. - You need to change that policy.
You know what I can't figure out?
How the hell did you know to get on that boat?
When your two boys put me on that undercover golf course mission...
...that cat, Reese? All he did was talk about that damn yacht.
And like I say, why go to the starting line when you can go straight to the finish?
"Straight to the finish." I like that, man. I like that.
Are you interested in doing any undercover work?
- Not the least. - Captain, let me borrow him for a second.
The weird thing is, one of those briefcases with $5 million just up and vanished.
Oh, what is this, a brand-new fur coat? Look at this thing.
Yeah, I inherited some money from a dead uncle of mine.
Is that right? I didn't even know you had an uncle.
Well, I did. And he was rich as hell too, baby.
- Chin up, little man. - I think he's still upset about the car.
Come on, let's get up. You're going outside.
- No, thanks. - We're taking you out.
- We're gonna get you cleaned up. - I don't feel like it.
I know these two white dudes that got a car that you might be interested in.
- I don't want another car, Hug. - Come on, at least take a look.
My car. Where did you?
Hey, Hutch, who the hell are these guys?
I don't know, but I get a good vibe from them.
So you selling the car?
Well, actually, your friend here has already paid for it.
I owe you one, Huggy.
- All right. - Come on, give him the keys.
Thank you. Thank you.
With this transmission, you really wanna jump the clutch.
- I usually... - From second to fourth. I got it.
- Right. - "Come in, Zebra 3. We have a 420."
Please respond.
This is Zebra 3. We're on it. Hutch, let's roll.
I think he means you.
- Good luck. - Allow me.
- All right, thank you. - You're welcome.
All right.
Hey!
Not the...
- How does it feel? - It feels pretty good.
I'm gonna take it slow, get the feel of it.
No, no, that's smart. Do that.
- Starsky. - Hang on.
- No. No! - Hang on!